Swirls of Confusion

2008-12-10T10:50:00.000-08:00

Here I am finally tryin to write down my sorrows without knowing exactly what to say. I guess I really do tend to think a lot when I have nothing to do...the past, present, future... It's scary to the point where everything just ends up being in a mess in my head...like as if I'm a soul being taken over by my body, instead of the other way around.
I love Christmas...was hoping to spend it with him though it seems like a Christmas with jus friends. I guess it's true wat they say. The question now is "Who is my friend?" or should I say, "Who am I a friend to?" Am I jus some bitch who jus wants everything done her way in the end? Hell...why is it I can always try my best to find and try to acheive what others want in life but not even knowing what I myself want? Do I not love myself? Yes I do but to the extend of others.
Honestly I dunno what I'm trying to say anymore...all I know is that what I'm saying's unreasonable and I guess it is something no one can solve but me...
But why do I feel that the only way for me to solve it is to jus be a bitch?

2008-10-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

I was pretty surprised that there are some peeps who wish they were like me cos I myself wish I was them sometimes. But I guess that's what everyone wishes...to be someone else other than themselves. Someone once asked me, "How do you be you?" and I was like, "Try"... After that conversation with her, I realised that most of the things I do includes the word, "Try". Even though there are times where I may be on the verge of breaking down or giving up, somehow I will always end up coming back to that same word, that same action, "TRY"...

2008-05-04T11:21:00.000-07:00

True boyfriend
When she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]

When she stare's at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you
[ Grab her and dont let go ]

When she start's cussing at you
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]

When she's quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]

When she ignore's you
[ Give her your attention ]

When she pull's away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she's beautiful ]

When you see her start crying
[Just hold her and dont say a word ]

When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]

When she's scared
[ Protect her ]

When she lay's her head on your shoulder
[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]

When she steal's your favorite hat
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]

When she tease's you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she look's at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she say's that she like's you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grab's at your hands
[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]

When she bump's into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tell's you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]

When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]

- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her

- because 10 years later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

2008-02-21T09:42:00.000-08:00

When you are together with that special someone,
you pretend to ignore that person.
But when that special someone is not around,
you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always
makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might
go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to
have called you long back, to let you know of
their safe arrival, your phone is quiet.
You are desperately waiting for the call!
At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short
e-mail from that special someone than other many
long e-mails, you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase
all the messages in your answering machine
because of one message from that special
someone, you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets,
you would not hesitate to think of that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone
is just a friend", but you realize that you can
not avoid that person's special attraction.
At that moment, you are in love.

While you are reading this page, if someone
appears in your mind,
then u are in love with that person.

LOVE is all around you..

2008-02-21T08:32:00.000-08:00

Friendster's blog used to be for all my complaints or depressive thoughts but guess I've long given up on that...am like too lazy to even type anything, let alone my feelings or thoughts. The only time I express myself, or at least I try to, is when it's really affecting me and I jus need to get it out somehow...
Last few days have been sleeping with loads on my mind...dun exactly noe what they are though I pretty much have an idea on some of them but for some reason they dun seem like a good excuse to think about. Maybe I'm jus lonely, or there's jus nothing to look forward to this week. Choir's definitely out since I've got work this sat...oh ya...decided to join back this week actually...really miss it loads but guess I'll have to reschedule it to next week...although I still have work next week but at least it's only half day. Hopefully there's jamming this week...really miss it...I dunno...jus been feeling distant from everyone lately...it's like they're there but somehow my mind's jus elsewhere...I'm like missing everything...going out with friends, jamming, dancing, my bf, my 'sister g'...even though it's only been 1 or 2 weeks ago...how pathetic can I be???

2008-01-10T16:45:00.000-08:00

A decision was finally made today...and it felt as if I'd jus left my second home...It's funny how something so small like a msg can change or decide things in your life and the people around you...am really gonna miss Angelus and hopefully I'll be back in it again...for now I jus pray tat the situation will improve and tat some of angelus's past atmosphere will return...whatever that means... :(

2007-11-12T21:52:00.000-08:00

Was in a slight dilemma tat day...
but everything's fine...I hope...
wish time didn't pass so soon...
the new year's coming soon...
Kinda understand what you mean now...
Sigh...wanna spill out everything but know will make things worse if I do...
I trust ya'll...better shut up... :)

P.S: Dun ask me to explain...am jus writting nonsense...hehe...

2007-10-18T08:42:00.000-07:00

Here I am sitting in front of my computer...trying to find ways of expressing myself indirectly so others can't really see my true feelings...but my head's filled with mixed emotions...all begging to be released but wanting to be hidden at the same time...
A few thoughts crossed my mind last night...partially also to do with the book which I'm currently reading and about to finish in a day or two...maybe even today...
Hurt, anger, loneliness, awkwardness, love...but some things are better left unsaid and kept hidden...for others I have to pretend that I'm fully ok and truly happy...but sometimes I wonder how much more I can take...maybe they can be revealed when the time is right...
Sometimes I wish that it had happened to me...I really miss it sometimes...especially when my friends talk about it...but I guess I should be happy with what I have...and believe me...I AM!!!

2007-09-02T10:33:00.000-07:00

Celebrated Puden's 18th b'day yesterday...for the first time after such a long time I felt young again and really felt relaxed from my work and sch...wat's more, I finally can blog about something happy instead of my usual depressing posts...
Anyway...we surprised puden with our presence at her hse and we started putting cake on each other's faces..lol...wanted to go bowling after dinner...but decided to play soccer and captain's ball first under the void deck...my team won for captain's ball(Haha!!!) but we lost for soccer since it was guys Vs gals...but at least we managed to defend ourselves well...with a bit of cheating...hehe...I think the score was 1-0 in the end...was very tired after tat so decided to slack under a void deck.
Played "pass the msg" game and was really funny...laughed till my tummy hurt! Lol...
Really had lotsa fun guys!! Hoping to do this again soon!!! Love ya'll!!!
:)

2007-08-24T20:43:00.000-07:00

Your Score: 6 - the Questioner

Thanks for taking the test !

you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX (aka "The Loyalist").

"I am affectionate and skeptical"

Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

Be direct and clear.
Listen to me carefully.
Don't judge me for my anxiety.
Work things through with me.
Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
Laugh and make jokes with me.
Gently push me toward new experiences.
Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a SIX

being committed and faithful to family and friends
being responsible and hardworking
being compassionate toward others
having intellect and wit
being a nonconformist
confronting danger bravely
being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a SIX

the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

SIXes as Children Often

are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

SIXes as Parents

are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
worry more than most that their children will get hurt
sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You liked the test?
so S P R E A D I T ! tell everyone!!! (use Quick-Paste below)

you wanna know MORE?
so check out, what Wikipedia says about your type...

...even more you'll find in Google

or do you prefer to

You are not completely happy with the result?!
You chose CY

Would you rather have chosen:

AY (EIGHT)

BY (FOUR)

CX (TWO)

CZ (ONE)

Link: The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

2007-08-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

When you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.

Sometimes I feel...
What's love when there's another???
Are we fighting for the right thing???
Really wish I wouldn't think too much...
Really wish I didn't cared...

2007-07-21T11:40:00.000-07:00

What Corrinne Means

C is for Complex

O is for Organic

R is for Rich

R is for Radical

I is for Industrious

N is for Naive

N is for Nice

E is for Exquisite

What Does Your Name Mean?

2007-07-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

I'm aching for you
I'm yearning for you
but I can't
and it ain't cos of my time of the month
One mistake to another
yet I still have your number
Where will this lead to?
Will I ever have you?

P.S: Did not have any inspirations to continue this song but jus had to post the chorus somewhere...hehe...

I was hit on by sp...with the knowledge of my area and age....shocking!!!

2007-07-03T21:17:00.000-07:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have low extroversion.
You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.
A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.
You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.

Conscientiousness:

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:

You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.

Neuroticism:

You have high neuroticism.
It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is low.
You're a pretty conservative person, and you favor what's socially acceptable.
You think that change for novelty's sake is a very bad idea.
While some may see this as boring, many see you as dependable and wise.

The Five Factor Personality Test

2007-07-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

Taurus - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You tend to stick with relationships - through the good and the bad.
You are a great listener and tend to give valuable advice.
Cautious and careful, you never jump in recklessly... saving yourself from heartbreak.

Your negative traits:

Money is very important to you, so much so that it's a cause of arguments in relationships.
If your lover isn't loyal or attentive enough to you, your eyes start to wander...
You tend to keep things inside - so your partner may not know when or why you're upset.

Your ideal partner:

Is stable, serious, and ready to be committed to you.
Is successful and able to provide you with the lifestyle you crave.
A true romantic, who is willing to express their desire for your heart.

Your dating style:

Comfortable and traditional. You'd love to have a nice meal at a cozy restaurant.

Your seduction style:

Love comes first for you before you'd even think of intimacy.
Traditional: you're not a cold fish - but you're not into kink either.
Pleasing... you always make sure that your partner is having a good time.

Tips for the future:

Be willing to change your mind. Who you think is the love of your life may be very wrong for you.
Try listening to your mate. While your stubborn streak is hard to break, sometimes your partner knows best.
Lighten up! The first months of a relationship should be about fun, not intentions.

Best color to attract mate: Pale blue

Best day for a date: Friday

What's Your Love Profile?

2007-07-03T17:52:00.000-07:00

Here we lay face to face once again
Silence cuts like a knife as we pretend.
And I'm wondering who will be to first to say what we both know
We're just holding on to could have beens and we should be letting go.

It feels like you're a million miles away as you're lying here with me tonight.
I can't even find the words to say
I can't find a way to make it right.
And we both know that the story's ending
We play the part but we're just pretending
And I can't hide the tears cause even though you're here
It feels like you're a million miles away.

Was it me, or was it you that broke away?
For what we were is like a season
Love is change and every time I think about it
It tears me up inside.
Like the rivers of emotion but I got no more tears to cry.

We can try to talk it over but we walked that road before
While our song is playing its last note
We both know for sure that it's time to close that door.

P.S: I dun wanna encourage you but from what I hear and see...I think it's time u do the necessity...
Will always be here for you gal...
:)

2007-06-30T11:28:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with a sense of loss...despite the benefits I may receive...
Everywhere I go...I'm reminded of you...as much as I wanna erase them to take away the pain...
Even though I'm inspired to write a song, I can't even do it without breaking down...
I dun wanna cry...

I hate people who are bitchy
I hate people who give empty promises
I hate people who lie about their feelings to get what they want
Am I one of them???

2007-06-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

Why is it so hard to let go of the past when the future looks so bright???
When you're gone, I must try to pretend to know of your non-existence...
My friends are important!!!

2007-06-17T15:12:00.000-07:00

The worst thing about breaking up is not the loss of a loved one but more of the happy memories which have been broken and lost...

2007-06-06T21:32:00.000-07:00

"This is not who I am
I like to think that I'm normal:
I laugh, I get mad, I hurt, it sucks sometime
But when you're in the spot light, everything seems good
Sometimes I feel like I have it worse
'cause I always have to keep my guard up
I don't know who to trust
or who wants to be my friend for who I really am"

2007-06-03T10:44:00.000-07:00

We seem to be drifting...or is it just me???

2007-05-28T20:52:00.000-07:00

You Should Be a Song Writer

You have the ability to evoke emotion, tell a story, and hook someone...
In a very small amount of words, perhaps with some deft rhyming.
Even if you can't write music, you can sure write compelling lyrics.
Lyrics so good, people will have them stuck in their heads!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

2007-05-27T10:48:00.000-07:00

This pic was posted at O'Bar website! So cool!!! Though I look alright...but oh well...
Think the webpage is at http://www.emeraldhillgroup.com/photogallery/gallery.htm
though I think may have to search a bit but the pic's there...I ain't kidding!!!
It's like on one of the slogans on the left-hand side called O BAR Partypix...Then after that have to go to the date May 12 2007...it's like at the bottom of the third page...
Know I'm being very detailed but hey...it is my first experience...
:D

2007-05-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

After 2 yrs plus...
I still can't believe how much one can love another
How much another can love one...
I wish I can stop thinking about the past
I wish I can stop thinking about the future
Why can't I just stick to the present???
I need ya'll...
I miss ya'll...
So much...

P.S: Really hope this sun will be a success...

2007-05-13T14:34:00.000-07:00

Went clubbing yesterday and had the time of my life! I guess I was pretty lucky to have my first experience in a club to turn out so well...I got to have my picture taken by one of the club's staff...they apparently said to go to this website but I couldn't catch it...guess her voice was not loud enough...lol...and most importantly...I got to dance to the song "Give it to me" by Nelly Furtado, Timberland and Justin Timberlake...was like waiting practically the whole night for it and they finally played it at around 3 plus...was pretty lucky to have been on the dance floor at that time...hehe...
Although things turned out well during clubbing...it was almost ruined by a previous situation by my parents and all...really got me in a bad mood....and they say it mostly happens to guys...I must be one of the few gals who unfortunately gets into this kinda situation...which may have explained why I drank more and danced like hell on the dance floor...lol...and I puked...like damn! I think it must have also been the fact that I was dancing a little too wildly...I practically kept going to the middle of the dance floor no matter what anybody says....sorry guys...guess I just wanted to get away from everything...and the thing is...it felt really good...like I was high or something..and yes Ana...when I say high I do mean like on drugs and all...must have really missed dancing and it was like when I was on the dance floor...it seemed to enable me to be in the centre of attention...like as if the dance floor's my centre of attention...other than being on-stage and all...

2007-04-07T14:44:00.000-07:00

Things I would love to have for my B'day:
1)Clothes (Especially from Chaos, Future London...forgot how to spell...or this
other shop which is at Far East...though forgot what it's called... :D)
2)Converse Shoes
3)Soft Toys (Know it's kinda childish but watever...)
4)Laptop (Though it may still be kinda early for me to have one...Hehe...)
5)Roses of all Colours (Real ones of course...dun worry...I'll take very good care of them... :D)

Think that's about all for now...but most importantly...for ya'll to come!!!
Seeya!!!
:)

2007-04-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

TAURUS
The Tramp Aggressive. Freak in bed. Rare to find!
Loves being in long
relationships.Likes to give a good fight for what they
want.
Extremely outgoing. Sexy as .........
Loves to help people in times of need. Outstanding kisser. Very funny.

Awesome personality. Stubborn.
Sexual as .........
Most caring person you will ever meet!
One of a kind. Not one to #### with.
Are the most sexiest people on earth!

2007-03-28T18:13:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll!!! As ya'll noe my b'day's coming...YA!!!
Haha....lame...
Anyway will be having a chalet at Pasir Ris at the downtown east area...dun ask me to explain cos noeing me...I ain't sure of the exact location yet but will msg ya'll...
It'll be held on the 20 to 22 April...for those of you swines who forgot or do not know the exact date of my existance...it's 21 april...so get that in all your little heads...man...I think I've been around kids for too long...haha...anyway the main point is...DO NOT FORGET MY B'DAY!!! :D
For those whom I've forgotten to ask...this posting is mostly for ya'll...but hey...jus becos I forgot to ask you doesn't mean that you're uninvited...it could be becos I dun have your number or can't seem to contact you... :)
So feel free to ask me for details and all...will be glad to give them to ya'll!!!
Seeya!!!
:D

2007-03-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

Woke up this morning and had this thought...am I going down the wrong path? Or is it just a phase in life?
Begin to realise that after that depressing incident of not getting into the course I wanted, despite how hard I tried, I've not really been feeling myself deep down inside...even though I may seem or look fine. In fact, I'm beginning to forget who I really was..
For now I'm fucking pissed off with MOE and feel really embarrassed whenever anyone asks me about my posting...I mean true...there are others who have done even more badly than me...but it's not really more about how I've done but about what I've failed to do...Think I'm also kinda angry with God cos I had prayed to him that time to enable me to get into the course I wanted...
Could it be that I didn't pray hard enough? Or is all this a punishment from him due to all the misdeeds I've done?
I know it's childish thinking but still...there's always a reason for everything...and I've been trying to make the best of the situation but somehow I always end up on the down side...
Read somewhere in church that day that nice people should also pray and prayful people should also be nice...if given a choice, I think I'm one of those nice people who should also try to pray...
Sigh...really dunno what to expect out of life anymore...feel like I'm hanging on a thread and that I have to just go with the flow...if not I'd just fall...

2007-03-09T21:49:00.000-08:00

Everyday I sit here waiting
Everyday just seems so long
And now I've had enough of all the hating
Do we even care, it's so unfair
Any day it'll all be over
Everyday there's nothing new
And now I just try to find some hope
To try and hold onto
But it starts again
It'll never end

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
It just seems like I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do

Almost giving up on trying
Almost heading for a fall
And now I'm out of screaming and
I've gotta keep on fighting
But then again
It doesn't end

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
It just seems like I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do

Feels like I'm drowning
I'm screaming for air
Louder I'm crying
Life's just so unfair

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
It just seems like I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do

2007-02-20T09:30:00.000-08:00

Had a great time yesterday during my Chinese New Year visit to my grandaunt's place. My parents ended up going home first (again...) while I stayed on as I wanted to *play some cards*...hehe...When it was my turn to be the banker...didn't want to at first cos I thought I will sure lose more money...especially when I was alr making a loss...but my godmum told me she'll recoup my losses if I do and I agreed...haha...oh well...Anyway guess luck was with me while being banker cos I managed to get 3 straight 21s and everyone had to pay me double the amount they bet..ya!!! In the end I managed to gain lotsa profits to give back to my dad cos it was his money I used...
Had reunion dinner later at my place and went out with melvin, roch, crystal and andi... Boy! Town sure was pretty empty for one of the rarest times...the only time I ever saw it that empty was when I had to do Flag Day in the morning when I was still schooling...which I'm not anymore...lol...
Talking abt schooling...damn scared that I may not get into my 1st choice...even if I were to do it through direct admission..which I'm still kinda confused abt...guess I'll be calling carol nowadays for advice and all...
Was hoping that if I can't get into my first choice I may get into leisure and resort but apparently even though it is a new course...it's cut-off point for last yr was abt 12 pts...so at the most I may end up in veterinary course...which I dun mind taking cos it involves animals and ways to save them and all...but I'm afraid of the career path...like it may have limited options and all...oh well...
Really just hope for the best...and they say that you can relax better after getting your results and knowing that you passed and all...*Bullshit*...

2007-01-31T15:46:00.000-08:00

I'm beautiful
but I don't know
can't see what's there inside my soul
always feeling like I'm not good enough
I wish I could be someone else
sometimes I just can't see myself
u can see just who I am

I'm exceptional
The way I am
Don't need to change for nobody
I'm incredible
anyone can see that
when will I believe that
I'm nothing but exceptional?

I never think I measure up
never smart or cool or pretty enough
always feeling different from all the rest
I feel so out of place
I think I don't fit in
u think I'm perfect in the skin I'm in
I'm just perfect just how I am

I'm exceptional
The way I am
Don't need to change for nobody
I'm incredible
anyone can see that
when will I believe that
I'm nothing but exceptional?

If I could see the one u see
When u see me
I'd know how lucky I am to be me
u see through into me

And I am

I'm exceptional
The way I am
Don't need to change for nobody
I'm incredible
anyone can see that
when will I believe that
I'm nothing but EXCEPTIONAL???

2007-01-23T20:18:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder...can't I ever jus express how I feel about what I want to do or where to go in life without getting all the negativities...especially from the people I'm most close to???
I mean I know there's bound to be some negativities in every comment or suggestion but I dun seem to be getting any positivity...not even the slightest bit...
I do know the consequences of the decisions I make...which is why I always think through it carefully before bringing it up...sure all I wanted to know was their opinions but does it always have to be a negative one?
Laselle is more worse than Early Childhood but they dun seem to be making such a big deal about tat choice...
Guess I should jus shut up next time and jus keep my thoughts to myself...maybe discuss it with those in the same boat as me...
O'level results are coming out on the 2nd of Feb...and I'M NOT READY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How am I gonna find a course that'll make me happy and at the same time...ensure a good future for me???
The Answer: NIL

2007-01-03T21:09:00.000-08:00

A new year and maybe a new me??? I hope that happens...in a good way of course...
Think I'm alr getting there...was really hoping to get a kindergarden and tutoring job...and if possible a modeling job...and guess what? I really did...all in one day...at least I think I did...although I rejected the interview for the modeling agency 'cos you had to pay for the portfolio and considering my last encounter with another modeling agency...nah...wat's more although I was quite enthusiastic at first...dun think I'll really have the time since I'm alr working...
As for the tutoring job...was told tat it'll be confirmed as soon as the mum knows her child's school schedule and all...apparently I volunteered myself as I heard one of the kindergarden teachers talking about it...hope tat if I really get it...I'll do a good job...
You noe...know this is gonna sound weird and all but I can kinda feel myself turning 18...like the way I think and look at things now are pretty different...kinda scary if you ask me...
Anyway so far the year's starting out great!
Hope it continues tat way...

2006-12-22T10:44:00.000-08:00

I'm whole on the outside
but hollow in the inside
When I'm gone, I'll be remembered and loved
but not missed much
'Cos it makes no difference whether I'm around or not
Approached only when badly in need of service
but ain't really the same when vice-versa
I know I ain't God or watever
but how can I stop my doings?
If I do, I'll feel 'bad'
There's that word again
But if I dun, my problems won't be solved
A grudge in my heart
forgiven but unforgiven
Know the true frens to go to
dunno what I'd do without them
But when they'll gone
I'm all alone again
That's one problem
I need an armour
to protect me from all my years of torment
Where is my armour?
Where is my protection?
I think I've found it
experienced it once
I need to find it again
Where are you?

2006-12-15T12:53:00.000-08:00

Had 2 interviews yesterday and one of them allowed me to interact with some of the children there while waiting for my turn to be interviewed...honestly it was an enjoyable experience and those kids were just so adorable and innocent. They just ask all the simple questions and there was this one kid who was pretty knowledgeable...he was actually explaining to me a kind of poisonous spider. There was even a point of time where 2 kids were talking to me at the same time...and when I was answering one of their questions, the other one thought I was answering his question...lol...I think I kinda got them confused...
Anyway...watever...am jus trying to blog about something...

2006-11-28T13:00:00.000-08:00

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Your exact opposite:
Genghis Khunt

Random Brutal Sex Master

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth

CONSIDER: The Loverboy

2006-11-28T12:44:00.000-08:00

ISFJ-The Protector
You scored 18% I to E, 63% N to S, 14% F to T, and 26% J to P!
The protector type is called such because you feel your life is best used to protect those you love from the pitfalls of life, to see to their safety and security. You belong to the larger group called guardians. You find great satisfaction in assisting the downtrodden. You are not talkative with strangers, but you can chat tirelessly with those you trust. You have a good solid work ethic. You are thorough and very likely frugal. You do not like to be in a place of authority, and will delegate poorly if forced into a lead position. You share your type with 10% of the population.
As a romantic partner, you are generous and gentle. Occasionally you may be taken for granted because of this fact. You are tireless in providing acts of service for your loved ones. You run the risk of always being exhausted because you won't say no to your partner. You are sensitive to criticism and will withdraw rather than fight back. You wish to be appreciated for your loyalty and whole hearted nuturing. Your values must be respected and you thrive on consideration and kindness.
Your group summary: Guardians (SJ)
Your Type Summary: ISFJ

2006-11-28T10:40:00.000-08:00

If I could turn back time...one of the things I would do is get my grad night pics back....I am sooooooooo devastated!!! Ok...not that much...jus can't help feeling a little bit heartbroken and jealous when I see my frens' grad night pics...I WANT MY PICS BACK!!! BLOODY CF CARD!!!
Anyway...have been looking for jobs these days....so far have applied for tutoring and sales job for kids...wasn't exactly keen on the sales job cos I dun think I'm good at selling or promoting stuff...but once the "kids" word came in...my mind's changed....lol...
So much has happened...both good and bad...and I wanna tell you asap...but you're so far away...
Haven't heard from you for almost a week...know that ain't that long but jus hope you're alright...
Can't wait for this Thurs...Ngee Ann Poly camp...hope it'll be fun!
This Fri's also my first salsa class....I know some of ya'll are laughing...or maybe sniggering...especially you Nigel...if you're reading this....but hey... it's a new experience...and I told myself that once I'm "Free" I'll try new things...so this is one...so far...haha...

2006-11-21T21:05:00.000-08:00

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM FINALLY FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL....Only worry now is running out of things to do.....
So if ya'll are bored.....ya'll noe who to call!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (HINT* HINT*)
I"LL SAY "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
:)

2006-11-11T09:45:00.000-08:00

Been trying for what seems so long
maybe just for me
So sick of trying
Gonna try to not bother anymore
Give others my attention
pretend that we're ______
even if we're not
Feels like it nowadays anyway
or maybe tat u've ______
or jus too busy with other important things
Fill in the blanks
cos I dun wanna
in case it's misinterpretated
might be wrong anyway
Can be so ignorant at times
and you dun even noe it
I ain't the only one
jus ask around
U'll get your answer
Seem to jus see wat's in front
but not wat's around
But tat's jus u
ain't much on thinking deep
so I guess I can't blame u
Maybe it's jus me
Can't seem to express my true feelings anyway
cos in the end
there's jus no true words to describe it
it'll jus make things worse
if u can't see it
can't feel it
ain't in u to understand truly
then there's jus nothing to say
Bet reading this will get u
mad,frustrated or irritated
or maybe jus a sigh
but dun take it as a blame
cos maybe it's jus me
Dun bother replying bout tis
cos I'll jus return back an unanswered answer
I'll find a way to solve it
Always do anyway...
Ain't the first time for me...

2006-11-03T21:24:00.000-08:00

Hey sorry for not updating for so long...think I'm beginning to get bored with this blog thingy...but also becos I've been pretty busy studying and stressing myself out these days...so much that I've not really been able to sleep well until like after 12 midnight...even before a paper...but the last few days have been better...so far...am starting to develop this phobia of not being able to sleep at night...can't even sleep in the day also...cos I'm either too busy studying or for some reason...am not able to sleep...guess I'm more mentally tired than physically tired...oh well...the end is coming soon...jus about 3 more weeks and I'm free!!!!!!
Lol...happy waiting for me....cya!!!

2006-10-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

Finally the weekends are here!!! Gosh!!! Try studying day and night...with a few breaks here and there of course...5 times a week!!! Mental breakdown I tell you...well close to that actually...am still able to take it...so far...
Was really glad Melvin called me yesterday...Ghost Whisperer wasn't on last night and I was wondering what to do at night...either way I would still have been studying before 10pm but at least I would have had something to look forward to before that but last night was kinda like a big no-no...and I really needed a break...with nothing on my mind except relaxation and all...
It's Deepavali today and will be going over to Kane's hse later...was kinda discussing with myself if I should go cos dunno who else will be going and dun really noe where she lives...but then...if I dun then I would feel bad...so I decided to go after I called her to ask if we cud meet at Toa Payoh MRT...hehe...
Oh yeah...had Science Practical on Thurs and it was much better than Prelims...especially Physics, which was on the first topic I learnt...but better not get too confident...so all in all it was pretty alright...

2006-10-14T10:09:00.000-07:00

Sigh...really miss Ana,Mary,Sab and Alicia...hopefully we can all meet again...especially us vivacammp gals...all 5 as 1 again...hehe...sounds so poetic...watever...
Anyway jus tot of writing tat since I've not blogged for pretty long and tryin to meet up on Joanne's request...Hey gurl...hope you're doing well...
Cya!!!

2006-09-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

Was on the way home after my Chinese exam...which by the way was alright though I won't be surprise if I fail or jus pass...jus hope tat if I fail it ain't gonna be a bad one...and was glad to have a seat on the train...
Thought I could sleep a little cos feel kinda tired...oh did I mention tat I'm sick as well...thanks to Melvin...Hehe...nah jus kidding...I'm to blame too...
Anyway was like totally in my own world...with my mp3 to top it all off...and this student entered the train at one of the stops and sat next to me. At first I didn't really give a damn...but for some reason he kept on moving in his seat and was like kinda takin up alot of space...
When the seat next to him was empty...he still stayed where he was and I seriously felt like he was a little too close to me. Like what the fuck's his problem???
Here I am wantin to have some quiet and alone time...and here's some guy makin me feel all squashed up when clearly there was lotsa space right next to him!
After a while I really felt freaking uncomfortable...I dunno why but there was something about this guy which I really didn't like...and guess wat??? He was only like Sec 2 I think cos his uniform was with shorts...
I dunno..maybe it's jus my instincts or jus paranoia...considering wat happened last time...well almost actually...so far I've been pretty lucky...
But I was actually more angry than scared...and I was like telling myself if he dares try to be funny I swear I would punch his fucking face! Got a little worried when I found out tat he was also alighting at the same stop as me...and as much as I try to seem strong and all...I admit tat the way he looked at me was pretty freaky when I tried to get a better look at him with my really pissed off what the fuck's your problem face...seriously almost thought he was going to follow me home or something...
I dunno if it was him but when I was at the bus interchange, I swear the guy which got on the same bus as me somehow made me have a feeling that it was him...and in my mind I was like "You better fucking not sit with me!!!"...which he didn't thank god though he gave me a weird kinda look...dunno why also...
But I dunno...ya'll tell me...was my instincts right or not? I mean like how would you really know for sure if someone's tryin to be funny in public?
Anyway prelims are almost over...YA!!! Jus left Art which is tmr though I dun think I'm gonna score really well for it...maybe average? Oh well...wat else is new??? Certainly not Art...

2006-09-04T21:10:00.000-07:00

More pics....

2006-09-04T20:58:00.000-07:00

Celebrated Puden's b'day tat day...she wanted to watch "Lovewreaked" but the timings were too late so we decided to watch "Click". But then when we went to the theatre at Sun Plaza(because I had 2 free tickets which could only be used at Eng Wah cinemas...), we saw they had "The Breakup" so we ended up watching tat in the end...like finally I got to watch the freaking show. Lol...so funny...we both ended up crying during the movie cos it was kinda sad at some parts...oh and the show is pretty true about the way guys and gals think or behave...
Actually was suppose to go out with Mel, Nigel and Joseph but the guys last minute couldn't come and Mel had to go somewhere first, though she met us later...
Went to this fashion and me and Puden bought a top each...she took pretty long deciding which one to buy though...sigh...Puden, Puden...
Lol...anyway met Mel after tat but Puden had to rush home so it was jus me, Mel and her sis though we met her mum later for dinner...
Was actually planning to go home early but I heard the baby was coming so I decided to go Mel's house for a while...kinda entertained her siblings and cousin while I was there and ended up going home at 11pm cos the baby came late...but at least I still managed to see him...damn cute!!!

2006-08-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

Gosh! Had a lota trouble sleeping last night...imagine tossing and turning from about 9 plus till 1am in the morning!!! To make things worse...I had an English Exam the next day...before I finally drifted off to sleep I was thanking God tat it was jus my Prelims and not my Os...

Thought I was gonna be freaking exhausted the next day but surprisingly I wasn't...actually I was but it was more of mentally tiredness...guess I've been having a lot on my mind lately...actually I've been having a lot of tat since the start of yr...jus tat it somehow seems to have worsen...I mean despite the fact tat I was pretty tired the day before...many unnecessary things kept appearing in my mind...maybe it was the English Exam the next day, but for some reason my brain kept forming different kinds of sentences...must be feeling really stressed out...

Anyway the exam was fine...wasn't as bad as I thought (yeah,yeah...I should have more confidence in myself and blah,blah,blah...). But I wouldn't say it was easy...am pretty scared of being being too overconfident cos everytime I do tat, things tend to turn out the opposite. But I felt tat it was easier than my Mid-yrs and the situational writing in Paper 1 was pretty straight-forward.

Yup! Guess tat's all for now...Lol...looks like there's hope after all...

2006-08-21T20:37:00.000-07:00

Oh man...I'm becoming one of those peeps who seldom updates her blog due to either laziness or lack of time...hehe...
Anyway,quite a bit has happened...dun really noe wat but it jus feels like it...oh I finally managed to compose one of the songs which I wrote like 4 yrs ago on my piano...jus basic playing with chords and all but it's a start...was actually suppose to meet Mel but had some free time so tot of watching a movie but ended up composing the song...sigh...so proud of myself...hehe...
Gonna have my English O'Level Oral tmr...but Sam said it was easy...hopefully she's right...used to be really worried tat I'll panic half-way and all last time but now I'm feeling a lil' worried about tat and the tot tat I might start laughing...all Sam's fault...tat time we had a practice on our oral with our form teacher and we both kept laughing at each other's mistakes...really hope tat doesn't happen again tmr...but I dun think it will...Lol...
Hmm...actually I've got quite a few things to say but I jus feel kinda lazy to write it all down...wat's more I feel like there's so much I wanna tok about...oh well...maybe next time...

2006-07-06T20:49:00.000-07:00

After that particular day,after that talk with Mel...I have finally understood better the things others have been trying to tell me. In a way,what she said really made sense..."Why bother so much about those who don't even give a damn about you???". Dunno if that has kinda changed me but it definately has changed my perspective of life...and as a result,I don't know if I have changed...and if I have...for the better or for the worse?
But there is one thing I realise...in a way,there are 2 groups...the group whom everyone will always look up to...whether to just hang out,get advice amd so on. The other group is also the same as the first...the only difference is...they only look up to you and all that shit when they have no one else to turn to...sorta like a last resort...and I,belong to that group.
Maybe it doesn't seem true to majority who read this...but for some reason,I feel that I do belong in the "last resort" group. In truth...I have been experiencing the above for the last 5 to 6 years...and frankly,it sux! But what can I do??? For now,it just feels like it's my destiny or something...I dunno...maybe I just haven't found the place where I belong yet...who knows?
Although I know nothing lasts forever and this misery will somehow stop one day,at times I really just feel like giving up...and wonder why I'm even in this world. This ain't a suicide entry by the way...although I've had that thought every once in a while...though not so much as last time now...anyway it's not like as if I would really wanna kill myself but you never know...nah...I won't...

I have posted this entry before and only a few knew who this song was for...am gonna post it again and once again...whatever the song says is pretty true and it sorta tells what I'm feeling at times...

Because Of You By Kelly Clarkson
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

2006-05-26T10:51:00.000-07:00

2006-05-23T16:04:00.000-07:00

2006-05-18T20:05:00.000-07:00

Went out with Sam.A and a few of her frens on Mon to play Pool...was really fun and all...and as usual...she was driving me nuts! Lol...kinda lazy to write everything tat happened so jus gonna post a few pics from tat day...ENJOY!!!

2006-05-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

------------------APRIL-------------------
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and
sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does
work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good
memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for
information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make
them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others.
Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper.
Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves
sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic.
Hot but has brains.

PS: So freaking true...

2006-05-13T10:04:00.000-07:00

What's happening to all of us now? We're like all over the place...busy with our own lives...I mean I know that as life goes on...so do we...but still...
Sigh...dunno where Ana is somemore...she seems to have disappeared or something...(Gurl...if you're reading this...I miss ya...hope everything's alright with you and hope to tok to ya soon...)
Maybe I'm still missing the past and hoping that we'll all one day become the vivacammp girls again...I dunno...but the question now is should I jus forget about our blog or jus leave things the way it is?
Ya'll decide...Love ya'll always...

2006-04-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

A preview from my 17th B'day celebration!!! Love ya'll!!!

2006-04-21T21:48:00.000-07:00

"Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me...Happy Birthday to me!"....Argh...watever...dunno why...feel so weird singing tat song...lol...It's alright...I ain't mad or anything...jus seem kinda stupid singing tat song to myself...hehe...
Anyway the day started out kinda screwed up and my MP3 kinda hanged...I think something's wrong with it but managed to fix it when I went home...whew!
Decided to wait for the queue to shorten during recess and Mat asked me to follow her to the toilet...when we went back to the canteen,I had the biggest shock of my life!For a moment I was wondering if it was really meant for me cos it jus felt weird...I mean I had never ever been surprised by a birthday cake before...well not counting last year...tat was like in church with my choir...the pple whom I'm most close to...but this one was like in school!It was just really touching and if I had not been in shock,I think I might have cried tears of joy...ok maybe not tat dramatic but ya'll noe wat I mean...
Then I had a bit of the cake on my face thanks to tat best swine of mine...Mel!But I got some on her too... and Mat...Haha...Then they decided to cut a really big piece of the cake for me becos I was the birthday gal...couldn't even finish it and was freaking full!!!

2006-04-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

Wow...I guess it's been almost a month since I last updated...so sorry about tat...have been kinda busy...what with Holy Week and all...but I have to admit that on the days where I'm free,I dun have anything to write about or am just too lazy...hehe...
Hey...but am now kinda busy trying to catch up with all my subjects since Mid-yr Exams are around the corner but look...I'm here updating at last!!!
Haha...true I don't really have to stress so much about Mid-yr Exams but knowing my parents...they are sure to still expect quite a bit from me...sigh...oh well...
The thing is though...I ain't worried...well maybe not yet but still...something's wrong with me this year...hmm...
Anyway I dunno why but I just dun feel excited for my B'day...in fact I dun even feel anything at all...jus like how I dun feel anything for my exams...it's like I forgot how to feel or something...maybe I've been going with the flow for too long...
Oh well...like watever...
Oh I just figured out why I'm always acting funny in school all the time...or should I say most of the time...
Jus realise that when I'm in school,I seem to be like a walking zombie and it's like as if school's kinda draining all the happiness in me...I mean...when I was in Sec 1,I wasn't exactly this unhappy...at least I smiled and laughed more than now...
But now...I dunno...seems to have decreased quite a lot...the thing is when I'm finally out of school...I feel free and much more like human...like I'm almost me again...dunno la...jus what I feel that's all...oh well...

P.S: I HATE SCHOOL!!! SCHOOL SUX TO THE CORE!!!

2006-04-01T09:46:00.000-08:00

Your Personality Profile

You are pure, moral, and adaptable.
You tend to blend into your surroundings.
Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends.

You believe that you live a virtuous life...
And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye.
As a result, people tend to crave your approval.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

2006-03-29T22:16:00.000-08:00

Remember I had this singing competition in my school tat day?Yeah...jus wanted to let ya'll noe tat I won 2nd place...got a trophy,a certificate and a $10 voucher from Popular.I guess it was a good achievement considering this is my 2nd trophy throughout my whole 16 yrs but in a way I felt like I could have done better...ok fine...as usual having high expectations of myself and blah blah blah...so I guess I'll jus shut up about it for now.Anyway tat's all for now...actually quite a few things happened but am jus too lazy to blog about it so if ya'll wanna noe more jus ask those who attended the competition or jus ask me...seeya!

2006-03-26T10:43:00.000-08:00

Ok...I noe this was like more than 1 week ago but I haven't really had time to write about it so in summary...
Went out wit the vivacammp girls(or should I say the remaining of us...)tat sunday...had loads of fun...as usual...and it kinda helped to get my mind off some things...unfortunately it also added more unmemorable things to my poor innocent mind...Lol...ya'll noe wat I mean...right Puden and Mel???
But overall I had the best time of my life...even though it had been jus for a while and they will always be in my memories...yes...unfortunately...even the unfortunate incidents...and Puden...I noe wat you're gonna say but it seriously ain't anyone of our faults...haha...ok I think she's gonna kill me the next time she sees me after reading this...anyway here's a preview of our wonderful day together...one which we so rarely have nowadays...

2006-03-26T10:17:00.000-08:00

Gosh...this week seemed to be so monotonous...the funny thing is it also passed pretty fast.
I tell ya'll...really hope I can get the music for my Chinese song or else I'm gonna be so screwed!I was already planning so nicely to jus sing it witout music and then tat teacher had to tell me tat must have music...like shit...better yet...when I told her tat it's really hard for me to find the karaoke version she gave me this kinda look...like watever...
Sigh...started out wit jus joining this compeitition for the fun and experience of it...didn't expect it to mean so much to me...kinda wanna win now...well maybe not win cos tat's too much to expect...maybe jus be in one of the top few?
You have no idea how great it is to sing on-stage wit everyone cheering you on and all...like the other time when I was singing "reflection" by Christina Aguilera.I tell you I was freaking nervous at first cos it was also like a last minute thing and I didn't really expect to pull it off but I ended up doing better than expected!
It could also be to do wit the cheers of the crowd...kinda made my confidence level go up...knowing how low my confidence level usually is...and for tat moment I felt I really did belong to the stage...like I was home and at peace or something...I dunno...was jus a really great sensation!
But now I'm not exactly ready for my next performance and I think I kinda set a pretty high standard for myself due to my performance the last time...dunno la...scared I make a fool of myself on Tues...the finals somemore...and all the while I was thinking it was jus the semi-finals!
Oh well...all the best to me...hopefully I can get the songs by today...

2006-03-19T09:31:00.000-08:00

Ok...I may just be overeacting...which I realise is wat I normally tend to do...but seriously,at times I really feel tat no matter wat I do...I jus can't seem to satisfy others...
Jus tot of writing this down and at the same time,also to update my blog which I seem to have abandon for quite a while due to lack of things to write about...toodles...

2006-03-08T20:50:00.000-08:00

Some pics...some memories...

2006-03-08T20:39:00.000-08:00

You noe...it's funny...ever had someone dislike you so much for the first time that they wanted to slap you?Yeah...tat's wat I said...*slap*...and the reason's because they dun like my stare...
When I heard I was like...stare?I stare?I didn't noe tat...well ok maybe in a way you cud sorta call it staring but it was mainly cos the jokes they made aren't funny at times so naturally I would just look back at them with an expressionless look.At least it's better than jus pretending it's funny and laughing with them and then talking behind their back tat their joke actually sucks and all.
But in a way I kinda noe how she feels...I've sorta been there before(Yes...yes...another peek into my pathetic past...)...but the way she handles it is not exactly the right way to do it...
I dunno...it's jus so like messed up...everyone's talking about one another but in front of that particular person,they pretend tat everything's normal and all...I mean...jus tell the truth and stop being hypocrites and all...everyone's like saying she's a hypocrite...a two-face...but they themselves are also doing it...I'm guilty too,I admit but honestly...I try to jus mind my own business and not talk much about it...I mean like dun keep giving that person false hopes and all...but guess tat's the world now...
Ya'll may think I would get kinda angry or maybe upset tat someone out there would actually want to slap me and all if given a chance but the thing is...I dun really give a damn at all...if she wants to slap me,then let it be.But if that really happens,I will try my best not to retaliate and jus walk away...I mean,why waste my time over this when I cud be concentrating on more important things?Besides...retaliating back would be kinda childish...the kinda thing I would do a few years ago which by the way I did...now I think about it...it wasn't worth anything...so to hell with it...I dun like her...she dun like me...at least I'm minding my own business and responding to her only if necessary...

2006-02-06T20:33:00.000-08:00

Vomited at midnight last night...or should I say this morning...think it was either due to indigestion or food poisoning...wat's up with me and those sickness???
Anyway at that time...I was thinking to myself...wat if I actually had stomach cancer or something...maybe not now but in the near future???Kinda scary if you think about it...considering I had bladder infection before...now that was a nightmare...really felt like dying then due to the pain but dun worry peeps...I'm alright now...so dun ya'll get so worked up over nothing....jus a thought of mine.
But I do noe that I might have a pretty weak stomach...wat with all my sickness connecting to my stomach these days...Hmm....Oh well....

2006-01-17T20:20:00.000-08:00

School was alright today...had to bring lotsa books so my bag was pretty heavy and all.Anyway stomach wasn't feeling too good during maths period...felt kinda bloated.Wat's more Me and Matty were both feeling rather drained from the heat and all.We both were like toking to each other as if we're dying or something...kinda funny if you think about it...anyway I tot that if I just burped everything would be fine.Kinda worked for a while but soon I really had to go to the toilet.Lucky school had ended so I asked my frens to wait for me while I go toilet first.Made it to one of the cubicles in time to puke out most of my recess...like gross!!!
Felt much better after that though Mel advised me to go home instead of staying for dance.But I decided to stay anyway...had something to eat after that as I was told that it was better to eat something after vomiting so went with Vanessa to the canteen.Had a really hard time eating my food though and I was still negotiating with myself on whether I should stay or go.My final decision came after I had to go to the toilet again to puke my guts out.
Tummy felt kinda weird on the way home but by the time I reached home I was feeling better already.Like DAMN!!! I could have stayed for dance in the end! Kinda pissed off with myself...I mean...jus for a little tummy upset and I had to go home! Ok maybe at that time it wasn't exactly little but I could have been stronger...dunno la...good thing is my fren will be helping me with the dance steps tmr so hopefully I'll be able to catch up...

2006-01-10T09:51:00.000-08:00

I think it has come to a point in my life where I realise tat I've been doin the same shit everytime...so much tat my life has become pretty predictable. I dunno...I think I need more excitement or something in my life...more changes and all...I mean I noe you can't always have fun all the time but just imagine...when you're schooling you have to wake up early and study and all for your future's sake and when you're finally working you also have to wake up early and work your ass off! Sure you get to earn money and all but still...there seriously has gotta be more to life than just living...

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived.
I go up, I come down, and I'm emptier inside.
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
and why can't I let it go?

Chorus:
There's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me.
Cuz the more that I'm
trippin' out thinking there must be more to life.
Well it's life, but I'm sure.
There's gotta be more...
than wanting more.

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment, I'm halfway out the door.
On to the next thing, I'm searching
for something that's missing.

Chorus:
There's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me.
Cuz the more that I'm
trippin' out thinking there must be more to life.
Well it's life, but I'm sure.

There's gotta be more...
I'm wanting more.
I'm always waiting on something other than this.
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed?

Chorus:
There's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me.
Cuz the more that I'm
trippin' out thinking there must be more to life.
Well it's life, but I'm sure.
There's gotta be more...
than wanting more.

Chorus:
There's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me.
Cuz the more that I'm
trippin' out thinking there must be more to life.
Well it's life, but I'm sure...

(There's gotta be more) More...ooh yeah..
(More) More to
(To) More to
(Life) More to life...(yeah)
(There' s got be more to life) More to
More to life...
(More) More to
(To) More to
(Life...yeah) There's gotta be more...
(There's gotta be more to life)Oooh...
More to life...

2005-12-31T09:28:00.000-08:00

This pic is cool...

Had the choir party at Vanessa'a house yesterday and it was pretty fun...played Who's line is it and it was really funny though I kinda cursed out loud in front of Vanessa's mum...oops...They even had three dogs and though they were all really big, they were still so cute...Man...I want a dog...
Anyway went for the youth bash after that and boy did I have fun...was like really hyper and all.I think it must have been the slurpee me and Puden drank.Well whatever it is...I was really high on dancing...haha...must have kinda made a fool of myself at times...Was really tired after everything but overall it was great!

P.S: Nigel...Now how's that for an updating on my blog??? Lol...

2005-12-28T21:08:00.000-08:00

P.S:See Nigel...Don't say I've not been updating my blog cos' I jus did....hehe...

2005-12-16T10:35:00.000-08:00

2005-12-16T10:28:00.000-08:00

Went to Orchard last Wed wit Nigel,Puden,Joseph and Mel.On the way there,we all got a free ride home jus by doing a survey on Somerset Mrt...cool huh?
Anyway went to play pool at Cineleisure and me and Puden won the first game.Us against the guys...Ha!Girls rule man!!!Lol...Ok laughing to myself again...Then I played against Nigel and we each won a game so I guess we were even.
Went to watch Aeon Flux after tat and we kinda missed the first part cos we kinda got caught up in pool and there were some confusion while buying popcorns and all.We kinda lost the tickets so we weren't sure which theatre to go.Lucky we remembered which seats we were in.Overall the show was awesome though I was a little confused during the starting and some parts were pretty gross.There was this part where she bit the earring off this girl she was fighting with...Eww...
Was suppose to go Esplanade after that for dinner so we decided to take a cab but we kinda forgot that only 4 could get into a cab and we had 5 so we ended up taking the train.You can imagine how embarrassed we were getting in and out of the cab...On the way there,Mel realised that she had lost her wallet so we went back to Cineleisure.In the end all of us suspected it could be at the Cinema.Lucky she had 2 frens working there so we spend the entire time there.The good thing...one of her frens gave us free popcorn,hotdog buns each and 2 large cokes which were discounted.I think among the 5 of us,Nigel was the happiest...Lol...he kept eating the whole time while we were trying to find Mel's wallet which we actually found pretty funny.
In the end,we finally found her wallet so tat was a relief...Whew...
Though we didn't get to go Esplanade as planned...I guess the day ended well and it was pretty eventful...

2005-12-11T10:33:00.000-08:00

Went to City Plaza at Paya Lebar tat day with Mel and Puden to look for Mel's Christmas dress.As usual we had to wait for Puden like forver...saw a few dresses tat were pretty nice.No offence but the pple at the first store looked kinda like prostitutes and when we told them tat we'll look around first they almost didn't wanna let us go.Talk about desperate...like rejection's such a big "no-no" in their life.Sheesh...
Anyway we finally found a dress for Mel but in another store so while getting out of the shopping centre, we had to avoid the first store.
Also I realised something about City Plaza.The pple there are like so can't be bothered.There was one particular shop where Mel wanted to try this dress but the lady told her tat she might not be able to fit in it.But Mel still decided to give it a shot and yeah...it was kinda small for her.So I asked the lady if got other sizes and she was like "I already told her it wouldn't fit her..." and blah,blah,blah.Make it sound as though me and Puden just asked her a ridiculous question.The other stores were about the same and Puden was like "The pple here damn fucked up...".Yup...believe it or not she really said tat...but it is true...
Anyway overall we had a great time and at least we were able to spend the day with one another so tat was good!!!

2005-12-08T10:59:00.000-08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2005-12-08T10:55:00.000-08:00

Your Birthdate: April 21

You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature.
Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas.
People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life.
You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone.

Your strength: Your thirst for adventure

Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures

Your power color: Hot pink

Your power symbol: Figure eight

Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

P.S:You guys sure this is true???

2005-12-08T10:52:00.000-08:00

Peace

?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-12-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

Aphrodite/Eros

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-12-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

Honestly...these past few days...so much things have happened...so much tat I want to talk about...feelings tat I have been having...but somehow or another I jus can't seem to be able to write it all down. In fact if ya'll haven't noticed...my past few entries haven't really been about wat I really feel and all. They're now mostly about how my day went or jus pics...now tat I think about it...feels kinda monotonous...don't seem to be able to express myself anymore.
Last week wasn't really a good week for me...was hoping for a change this week but unfortunately for me, it ain't gonna happen. At least tat's wat I feel...hopefully I'm wrong...Was looking forward to playing pool today after caroling but last minute my mum didn't allowed me to go. A great starting off to the week...oh well...at least there's caroling. Hopefully tat'll brighten my spirits a little...Maybe one of the reasons these two weeks have got me a little down could be due to the fact tat Melvin's on exercise and all so we can't really meet up as often. Not meeting up is one thing but not being able to have a proper conversation over the phone before we sleep due to his busyness with work and all is kinda sad but oh well...guess I'll have to wait for Sunday again. Don't even know if we'll be able to meet up...oh well...I seem to be saying tat a lot nowadays..."Oh well..."...getting really sick of it but oh well...

2005-11-28T09:16:00.000-08:00

Went to watch Melvin and Jerome play soccer yesterday...Puden came along too so we had each other for company while we watched the guys play.Anyway their team won so congrats to them...specially to Jerome who actually expected the other team to win.Went to Jurong Wave Pool after tat and it was pretty fun though I wanted to go to the slides but had to rent the floats which were like 5 bucks each!Like what the hell!The last time I was there we didn't even need to rent them...Left around 3,4 plus and slacked at Melvin's place.At first I was pretty ok but a few hours later,my tummy began to hurt real bad.Think it was gastric and Melvin gave me this pill...vomited after tat...wanted to find me a doctor but most of the clinics would have already been closed and I didn't want to trouble him so decided to have dinner around my place then go home(Thank you again dear for all you did last night despite the fact tat u were also in pain due to your sprain ankle:)).My mum suspected it could be food poisoning and here I am now at home resting instead of at work.My tummy still hurts especially when I move around... :(

2005-11-14T10:35:00.000-08:00

Hey peeps!!!Just came back last sat from my trip to Switzerland and Italy.The place was great though I missed ya'll damn badly!!!Anyway here are some pics tat were taken during the trip....

2005-11-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

Finally went to Han's today for lunch after so many years.It was pretty ok though...had to be kinda strict to my cousin and tried to force his food down his throat just to make him eat faster.Sigh...kids...
Anyway the day has finally come where I disappear from Singapore until next Saturday.Really gonna miss everyone here,especially my dear boyfriend,Melvin or should I say "Dear".But don't worry...I have autoroam so I can still be contacted through my hp and 1 week plus isn't tat long so it ain't so bad...right?I hope so...
All in all...really hope I have a great time there and after I come back,there's an even better event tat'll be going on so can't wait!!!

2005-10-21T09:40:00.000-07:00

Kelly Clarkson:Because of you

I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break
The way you did, you fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake
A smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt

Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty
Because of you I am afraid

Because of you

P.S: You may not believe it but it's true.....

2005-10-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

I miss Mary...haven't heard from her for quite a while.Wonder how she's doing in Philippines???
Sigh...oh well...anyway was called back for a second interview by pastamania.Will be going this Thursday...hope I get it...but even if I don't at least I got called back so that ain't so bad...
By the way...I finally got msn so add me ya'll!!!

2005-10-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

The fun begins today and yet...a sad day comes closer...
Just finished my N'level yesterday and overall I think I did pretty ok. Still can't believe that I would be free for the next few months...feel so weird...Was pretty happy and everything yesterday until I received the saddest news. Was supposed to meet Melvin yesterday but decided to cancel it. Guess I kinda wanted some time alone though I was still pretty down later that night. Feel kinda better now but still rather emotional. What's more I might not really be seeing melvin for the next 2 weeks and he might be going abroad next year pretty often. In a way it's a good thing...I would be able to focus more on my O'level at the same time. Gonna miss him though...that I'm sure...
Sigh...everyone's leaving...first Sabrina...then Ana...and now Mary... The best part is that all three are one of the few closest and bestest friends I ever had. Sure we could still communicate in many other ways and all but it just won't be the same.
Guess life goes on...

2005-10-08T09:19:00.000-07:00

Just one more paper and I'm free for the next 2 and a half months plus! So start asking me out pple!!! Planning to look for jobs during the hols...So far the papers were ok. Maths and Science were definately easier than Prelims but I can't say the same for the rest. Dunno about English...seemed the same to me. Really hope I get at least an A1 or an A2 for it. I think I will be able to get A1 for Maths so that's good. Anyway can't wait for November!!!

2005-09-27T21:08:00.000-07:00

Have been studying from about 8am to 6pm today...with a few breaks in between of course but like WOW!!! That must be the longest I ever studied!!! Wanted to stop but just couldn't...Maybe it's due to the fact that my N'Level's coming in about less than a week time and boy am I freaking worried! Feel so mentally tired now and my right hand felt really numb just now but it's better now. 8am to 6pm...that's like about 10 hours of studying! Bet ya'll think I'm crazy now or something. My parents kinda did...they were like "Don't overdo it otherwise later exam time you blank out..."(Touchwood!!!) but yeah...
Looks like that's how I'll be spending my one week of holiday...studying...Hope all my hard work pays off...am kinda worried that I may not finish studying in time...oh well...

2005-09-25T17:28:00.000-07:00

SO FUCKING BORED!!! FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA DIE VERY SOON!!! SOMEONE CALL OR MESSAGE MY HP!!!

2005-09-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

This whole week has been really crazy and I've finally done something which I haven't done in what seemed like a really long time....being extremely hyper!!!
Been laughing my ass off with Sam.A in school and kinda almost got into trouble...oops...
You know, it's funny...last time I used to dread going school and I'll usually be like..."Oh crap!!!" kinda thing and would always look forward to choir. But now...it's like the opposite. When I go to school I'm like..."Can't wait to go all crazy and hyper again...." and for choir I'm like..."Sigh...hope I get to go hyper today" which does happen but only for a while and it really isn't that much as in school. In fact, at times I'm kinda like just forcing it to come out. I think some of my closest friends have noticed the change though I try to be happy and all for their sake. Hope this week continues to go well...really miss my old self though it has been slowly coming back...just hope it doesn't just disappear again, especially today...oh well...
But don't worry guys....I'm fine...for now...

2005-09-04T15:04:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to care for others?
Or maybe I just care too much
so much that at times I just dunno when to stop.
Something's wrong with me...have I changed?
For the worst...for the best?
Why am I not as hyper as before?
Always feeling down deep inside
but somehow always unable to express my true feelings.
I have a life too...so I was told but do I?
Am one of the strongest among all my friends
but do I even want to be?
Here I am always thinking about others' problems
for no rhyme or reason
but have never really thought about what I really want.
Maybe it's due to the fact
that I never really bothered about what I want
as long as the world is happy, I'm happy.
Life is meant to suffer anyway
so I guess I'll just put up with it until the end.
Feel so distant from everyone
that I dunno what to do or say anymore.
Guess I'm just an average girl
with an average life
experiencing the same things over and over again.
LIFE SUX....

2005-09-02T16:14:00.000-07:00

Celebrated Puden's birthday yesterday and it kinda felt like the time when Ana was still with us...really miss her...
Anyway met at Northpoint and as usual I was the first one there. Didn't have to wait long cos Vanessa came a few minutes later so tat wasn't so bad. Really sucks though...even if I'm just on time or am late, I'm somehow always the earliest among everyone....I tell you, one day I'm gonna be damn pissed off about this but for now...sigh...
Went to Long John Silver to wait for Mel and her friend Fariha and watched Puden open her presents. I think she really liked my gift...at least tat's what she says so I'll just take her word for it. Got her two shirts...a black one chosen by me and a white one chosen by Melvin. Anyway, kinda lost track of time and was pretty late for my piano...oops...
Went to Far East Plaza after tat and we were like trying on stuff and taking pics. As we couldn't take pics in the shops, we went into the dressing rooms to do it..hehe...Went to Esplanade after tat and while we were sitting down, this guy came up to us and was like "My friend want to make friends with ya'll...". Didn't really know how to respond to tat and seriously tat was kinda lame. Mel saved us by saying tat we were all attached which was 1/4 true. It worked though the guy kinda gave us tat one-kind look but whatever.
Then we went to Fullerton Hotel to use the toilet and Puden started slanging and saying "How come Singapore got no soap?". It kinda gave us away but we all joined in all the same...so funny...we almost wanted to go up to the rooms but didn't in the end...sigh...really miss those times but oh well...at least I finally got to go into Fullerton Hotel again and do some of the nonsense we used to do in the past.
Went to check out this club after tat and so wasted...this guy actually ask us if we want to buy drinks...$15 for a jug and $5 for a glass but Puden had to go home and all. The club looked pretty empty also and I was really tempted to go in and check it out but oh well...maybe next time...like after N'Level or something...
Reached back Yishun at about 8.40pm and went to meet Melvin for dinner. Kinda made him wait for like an hour plus but I didn't mean to...didn't know tat we would be back so late...sorry dear...
Had a really great time overall and to end it all off, I would like to say.............."HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUDEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE YA!!!!!!!!!!"

2005-09-02T03:11:00.000-07:00

Best friends under the clouds

2005-09-02T03:09:00.001-07:00

Sexy....

2005-09-02T03:09:00.000-07:00

I love this top!!!

2005-09-02T03:08:00.001-07:00

Looking sweet...

2005-09-02T03:08:00.000-07:00

YO!!!

2005-09-02T03:07:00.000-07:00

Crazy Eyes...

2005-09-02T03:06:00.000-07:00

To Puden with love...

2005-08-25T19:29:00.000-07:00

Prelims are finally over!!!!!!! Now all that's left is my N'levels and I can finally take a long break!!! Well sort of....hope I did ok for my prelims though. Looks like tomorrow's gonna be a really long day for me. Gonna go for WOMAD and will be back the next morning at about 3,4 plus. Hope it'll be fun...and Joanne's going so might be kinda crazy...I may start getting all hyper and all...I hope....Just hope that when we meet it'll be after Buffy. There's just this episode which I kinda want to watch and it's the part where she dies. Kinda have the feeling that it'll be tomorrow. So those who are going to WOMAD tomorrow and are able read this by then and wanna meet for dinner or something, make it after 6pm k? For your info, especially for some pple(You know who you are...), this is not due to tv addiction. It's just some episode which I've been wanting to watch so don't you start with the potato couch thingy and all.

2005-08-23T14:58:00.000-07:00

The World's Shortest Personality Test

2005-08-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

The weekends are finally here!!!! God...this week must have been one of the few times where it passes REALLY slowly!!! Have been freezing like hell this whole week in the AVA room where we have our exams. Yeah true...we are pretty lucky and it's like we'll be there until after our Social Studies and Mother Tongue N'Levels but in a way, it is kinda torturing at times. Imagine, you're like trying to focus on your paper and at the same time, you're almost freezing to death...least that's how I feel...kinda keeps me awake though but it's REAL cold!!! I'm like in front of the air-con somemore...well but today wasn't so bad. Had Geography today and I kinda had a lot to write though I dunno if I answered the questions properly. Have this problem of always misinterpreting the questions...oh well..really hope I at least get a pass. Haven't gotten one since Sec 1. Alright guess I'll just shut up about school and the air-con thingy for now.
How has everyone been??? Feels like I've been isolatd from the world or something this whole week...dunno...must be me just going mad again or something. Oh well...THE WEEKENDS ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)